"I’ve always been the type of person who puts everyone else first. As a freelancer juggling multiple projects while taking care of family and friends, I was constantly on the go. At 48, I prided myself on being the one who could handle it all—the late-night deadlines, the countless client calls, the endless errands for the family. But I was exhausted, and I didn’t even realize how deeply it was affecting me until a friend pointed it out."
A Moment of Clarity: Realizing the Need for Self Care
One evening, after wrapping up a particularly hectic workday, I was chatting with my friend Lisa over the phone. As I vented about my workload and how drained I felt, she interrupted gently. “Tina, when was the last time you did something just for you?” she asked. I opened my mouth to respond but then paused, realizing I didn’t have an answer. I couldn’t remember the last time I had done anything simply because it made me happy or relaxed. It was a sobering realization.
“You’re always so busy taking care of everyone else,” Lisa continued, her voice soft yet firm. “But you need to take care of yourself too. How about starting with something small, like taking a bubble bath tonight? You deserve a break.”
I hesitated, my mind instantly filled with reasons why I didn’t have time for something as frivolous as a bath. There were emails to send, deadlines to meet, and errands to run. But then, I caught myself. Was it really so outrageous to take just 30 minutes for myself? As I stood there with the phone pressed to my ear, I knew Lisa was right. I needed to start putting myself on my own to-do list, even if it was just for one simple act of self care.
Taking the First Step
Her words stuck with me as I hung up the phone. A bubble bath? It seemed almost frivolous, something I hadn’t done in years. My mind immediately began listing the reasons I couldn’t spare the time. There were emails to answer, invoices to send out, a report due tomorrow. But then I realized how ridiculous it sounded—I was denying myself a moment of peace because I felt like I needed to earn it.
So, I decided to take Lisa's advice. That night, I filled the tub with warm water, added a few drops of lavender oil, and lit a candle. As I sank into the bath, I felt the tension in my muscles begin to ease. It was as if the water was washing away not just the day's stress but months, maybe even years, of built-up exhaustion. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, letting the calming scent of lavender fill my senses.
For those thirty minutes, I didn’t think about deadlines, to-do lists, or anyone else’s needs. It was just me, the warm water, and the soothing scent of lavender. When I finally stepped out of the tub, I felt lighter, as if I had taken a small but significant step toward reclaiming a part of myself that I had long ignored.
Exploring Small Acts of Self Care
The bubble bath was the start of my journey toward self care. Encouraged by how refreshed I felt, I began to explore other small ways to carve out time for myself. I started with simple things, like making myself a cup of herbal tea in the afternoon and taking ten minutes to enjoy it without any distractions.
Another time, I decided to go for a solo walk in the park near my house. I had always loved nature, but in the chaos of life, I had forgotten how calming it could be. As I strolled through the park, I listened to the birds chirping and felt the sun warm my skin. It was a quiet reminder that there was more to life than the constant hustle. I didn’t need to achieve anything during those walks; it was simply a time to be.
Learning to Say No
The most challenging part of this self care journey was learning to say no. As a freelancer, my instinct was always to say yes to new projects, even when I was already overwhelmed. But one day, as I looked at my overflowing schedule, I realized that saying yes to everything was only pushing me closer to burnout.
So, I decided to make a change. The next time a client asked if I could take on an extra task with a tight deadline, I took a deep breath and said, “I’m sorry, but my schedule is full right now. I can take this on next week if that works for you.” It wasn’t easy—I felt a pang of guilt as the words left my mouth. But to my surprise, the client understood and appreciated my honesty.
Setting these boundaries became a form of self care in itself. It allowed me to protect my time and energy, so I wasn’t constantly running on empty. With each "no" that I practiced, I felt a bit more in control of my life.
The Emotional Benefits of Self Care
As I continued to make self care a priority, I noticed a shift in my emotional well-being. I was less irritable and more patient, both with myself and others. I started feeling more balanced, less like a candle burning at both ends. And perhaps most importantly, I began to appreciate myself and my needs.
One evening, Lisa and I caught up again. “You sound so much happier, Tina,” she remarked. “What’s changed?”
I smiled, realizing how far I had come. “I think I finally realized that taking care of myself isn’t selfish,” I replied. “It’s necessary. When I take time for me, I’m actually able to give more to others without feeling drained.”
"Now, self care is a non-negotiable part of my routine. I’ve learned that it doesn’t have to be grand or time-consuming to be effective. Some days, it’s taking a few minutes to meditate and clear my mind. Other days, it’s as simple as treating myself to a good book or cooking a healthy meal. I even schedule “me-time” on my calendar, just like I would any work appointment, to make sure I honor that commitment."
Tina, 46
Freelance Graphic Designer
Sure, there are still busy days when life feels overwhelming. But now, I have a toolbox of self care practices to help me reset and recharge. I’ve come to understand that self care isn’t about escaping from my responsibilities; it’s about nurturing myself so I can show up as my best self, both for me and for the people who rely on me.
When I started exploring self care, I knew I needed guidance to truly understand how to put myself first and maintain balance in my life. I turned to several books, websites, and podcasts for insights and practical advice. These resources have been instrumental in helping me build a more compassionate relationship with myself. Here’s why they matter to me and how they've shaped my journey to embracing self care.
Books
"The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown
This book was a turning point for me. Brené Brown’s message about embracing imperfection and practicing self-compassion resonated deeply. I’ve always been my harshest critic, pushing myself to meet everyone else’s needs. This book taught me that it’s okay to be vulnerable and that self care is not just a luxury—it’s a necessity for living a wholehearted life. It helped me let go of the guilt I felt when putting my needs first and inspired me to treat myself with the same kindness I offer others.
"Self Care for the Real World" by Nadia Narain and Katia Narain Phillips
I loved how practical and relatable this book is. It breaks down self care into small, simple actions that are easy to incorporate into daily life, which was exactly what I needed. The authors cover everything from setting boundaries to creating rituals that nurture your well-being. I found the tips on how to say no and protect my energy incredibly helpful. This book reminded me that self care isn’t about elaborate spa days—it’s about making time for little moments that bring peace and joy.
Websites
Mindful.org; https://www.mindful.org
This website has been a valuable resource in teaching me how to integrate mindfulness into my self care routine. I often find myself lost in the hustle of daily life, and Mindful.org offers simple practices, guided meditations, and articles that help me slow down and focus on the present. It’s become my go-to site for mindfulness tips that remind me to pause, breathe, and give myself the care I need.
Psych Central: Self Care; https://www.psychcentral.com/self-care
Whenever I feel overwhelmed or need ideas for new self care practices, I turn to Psych Central. This site is full of expert articles that explain the importance of self care and offer practical tips on how to incorporate it into a busy lifestyle. I’ve found their advice on setting boundaries and prioritizing self care particularly useful. It’s comforting to have a resource that reinforces the idea that taking care of my mental and emotional health is just as important as meeting my work and family obligations.
Podcasts
"The Self Care Space" by Poppy Jamie
Listening to this podcast has become a part of my self care routine. Poppy Jamie discusses various aspects of self care, mental health, and well-being in a way that feels supportive and nurturing. Each episode explores different self care practices, from managing stress to cultivating self-love. The personal stories and expert interviews have inspired me to explore new ways to care for myself and reminded me that self care is a continuous journey.
"Self Care Club" with Lauren Mishcon and Nicole Goodman
This podcast is fun, light-hearted, and incredibly relatable. The hosts try out different self care practices and share their honest experiences, which makes it easy to see what might work for me in real life. Listening to their conversations has helped me realize that self care doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s about finding what makes me feel good, whether it’s taking a break for a cup of tea or saying no to things that drain my energy.
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